I hate writing these stupid, “well it’s been a while…” posts.
But I can’t ignore that it’s been two years since I published my last post on the self-styled life. Here’s what’s happening.
I Wrote a Book
In that post from two years ago, I intimated that there was something big I was working on, and I’m so happy I can say that I really was! That thing now exists in this world. In June, my mom and I released a memoir we cowrote about my sister’s death at a self-improvement event 11 years ago.
Between working with SEEK Safely, writing (and then editing and then shopping out and then publishing and now promoting) that book, and the everyday busy-ness of being a mom and even just being a human, I have not made the time for writing here. And I’m ok with that. I hope you are, too. (If not, I do apologize… I am Canadian now, after all!)
And as I started working on an author website as part of my book promo, I felt there was still a lot of value in this blog, so I’m rolling into my “blog” on my author website. (Sidebar: if anyone has a more elegant way of embedding this blog on that website without the clumsy linking I’ve MacGuyvered together, please let me know…).
I’m beginning to think publishing might be addictive. Because now I just want to write more. More books, more blogs, more whatever of anything anyone might want to read of mine.
There is another point of hesitation for me, in addition to lack of time, that’s kept me from writing regularly here.
I’ve grown. Where I am now, even who I am now, is different than where I was when I started writing here in 2011. The things I needed from my own writing-as-self-exploration have changed. My awareness of how I might fit into a larger cultural context has also changed.
It requires a certain amount of privilege to even entertain the idea of constructing a self-styled life. I just read Glennon Doyle’s Untamed recently, and this idea of privilege nagged at me like a mosquito in the ear. It was a drag on my ability to embrace it wholeheartedly (I said as much in my Goodreads review). It’s easy to curate your version of a fulfilled life when you’re not facing systemic racism, crippling poverty, physical disability, etc.
I imagine if I read back through every post on this blog, I’d cringe at some of the privilege I didn’t even see embedded in those posts. I do have self-compassion for that–we all start somewhere. But I hope I can inject more humility, or self-awareness, into future writing. I’ll be honest: I’m not entirely sure what that looks like, and I think the awareness can slip away really easily. I’m always learning.
Not Giving Up
But even with all these reasons for not blog-writing in the last two years, I have never intended or wanted to give up on this blog entirely. So moving forward, something has to change, so that this can remain authentic to who I am now, what I’m looking for, and the realities of the world outside my brain.
I’d like to expand it more, to be honest. I don’t want to be boxed in by a specific focus; I want an evolution in what it means to lead a self-styled life, perhaps. Rather than focussing on building a satisfying work life, I’d like the self-styled life to be a place where I can express my feelings about all the things that set my soul on fire.
That’s breaking a blogging rule, I think, but maybe it’s just best to trust my heart on this one.
So, expect some changes, some of the same. Maybe a difference in tone, sometimes, maybe not. I don’t know. Hope you’ll stick around for it!