We’d always said 3 years in between kids seemed like a good spread. And so we did exactly that. Kid #2 is expected to arrive on October 8th, 2015. Hi, baby!
Given that our first child was a surprise, it was awesome this time around to have been planning for this. Although we are so happy with our first child and we don’t at all regret the surprise of it now, the first few months of pregnancy were marked by shock and worry. We’d just started a new business and weren’t making any money. We were busy. We lived in a junior one bedroom apartment. Our happiness now is really a reflection on human adaptability and the fact that we can all make things work and embrace the surprises life sends us.
I’m grateful for the challenge of the surprise the first time around–it made me a lot more comfortable with the idea that even when it doesn’t feel like the “right time,” things still work out. This takes some of the anxiety out of taking a chance.
For a while we didn’t know if we’d have more children. The early baby days can be so difficult–anxiety, sleep deprivation, isolation, and the huge change from life before baby–that it took a long time for us to even think about doing it all again. I’m also conscious of the impact that adding another human to the world has on the environment.
But it came down to the long-term picture for us. When I imagine us old, I hope that it’s surrounded by a family–our kids and their partners, and their own kids. Sometimes you need to take a different perspective to discover those buried desires–the ones that are hard to envision in the present day. And as for the environmental impact, I know we can raise our kids in an Earth-friendly way–trying to reduce our impact as much as possible and teaching our children how to respect their environment, just as we teach them to respect other people.
But, it was certainly a nice contrast this time to have been planning and trying for this baby–to experience the excitement of the positive pregnancy test, the thrill of calling up my midwives, and the fun of slowly sharing the news.
Of course, there’s another turn to this new baby’s story. October 8th may have rang some bells, especially for my family and close friends–it’s is the anniversary of the day my sister, Kirby, was killed in 2009. Now, it’s something like 5% of babies who are born on their due date, so in all likelihood, that won’t be baby’s birthday. But the due date will always be a day flagged in my mind.
I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, it’s nice to put a positive spin on a significant and sad day. At some point, I hope that October 8th can become a day to celebrate as much as mourn the life of my sister. But this loss radiates a pain that I know will never go away, and any celebration in our family, on any date, is always tinged by the reality that Kirby isn’t with us.
As I’ve told people my due date, I’ve sort of shrugged and said, “yup, interesting date.” There’s not much to say beyond that. Sometimes a thing just can’t be spun any differently.
When I was pregnant with Linden, it was just the topper to a whirlwind period of change in our lives–we’d quit our jobs, moved cities, and opened our own business. And then we moved into a new house 1 month before she was born. Our life is a bit more stable this time around, although there’s a good possibility we will move houses soon before or after this kid is born (thanks, TO housing market). Can’t let life get too boring…
So that’s my big news! And yes, I blame exhaustion and nausea for how quiet it’s been around here lately. Hopefully I’ll get back into a better rhythm now that I’m feeling better!
The decision to have kids and how many is a huge one. I’m curious–what factors when into your decisions to have kids, not have kids, how many you decided to have, etc?